A Parenting Tip on how to Connect Warmly with your Children (and Spouse)

You take on an extra job so your girl can go to summer camp, you give up your Sunday afternoon to drive your son to practice, and you take a bank loan for your child's higher education. Your child then tells you, "Why do not you ever give me anything?" You want to bump him on his head!

Before you do (and I hope you do not) let's take a minute to understand where they're coming from. "

Let's say that you work hard for a company and on the day before payday you overhear the boss applying for a bank loan to pay the salies. The next day, when you receive your paycheck, do you lavishly thank him and does this create in you a warm feeling towards him? Probably not. You might be impressed for his integrity but it does not need to make you feel closer to him.

On the other hand, how would you feel if your boss overheard you saying to someone that you needed money that day for your mortgage and he called you over andave you your pay a few days early. You probably WOULD profusely thank him and have a very warm feeling towards him.

The difference between these two scenarios is that in the former case he is merely fulfilling his obligation. In the latter case he is being generous. Warm feelings are made by being generous to others and not by giving others what they deserve.

It is the same with our children. There are a few reasons why we send them to camp, chauffeur them around, and send them to college. It is either because they fought and whined for it, it is reward for something that they did, or because they feel that they deserve it like everyone else in the community. The common denominator is that we are not doing to show our love, respect or appreciation of them but because we are obliged to do it. They therefore do not feel our love, appreciation or respect for them.

Therefore the simple solution for this is to reward them (from time to time) with something that you know they want but something that they DID NOT ask you for.

Try it and you will see how your relationship with them will warm up.

Source by Shevach Pepper

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